I want a baby. I know…no one is more surprised than me.
Not today. Not tomorrow. But definitely someday.
While my friends were born mothers, my “biological clock” has never ticked. Not even once. And it still hasn’t. There has never been this urge inside of me that said, “you need a baby” or “You know what would make your life better? A kid.”
In fact, throughout my entire adulthood I’ve been terrified of the possibility. I equated pregnancy with a death sentence. Which is strange because growing up, all I wanted was a big family. Right before he passed my grandfather asked, “What happened to the little girl who wanted five kids?”
I don’t know what happened to her. I don’t know where she went. And I still don’t feel connected to her. But something has shifted with me this week and for the first time in my adult life I feel ready for that experience.
Yes, it could be that my godson is the cutest baby on the planet. Yes, it could be that all of my friends are having babies and love their lives more than ever (which is so wonderful – and is it bad to say surprising – to see). But this week I came to the conclusion that being a mother is a blessing…and something I hope for in my life.
So I am going to travel the world and soak up as much as I possibly can, because while I don’t know what my life will be after this year of travel…I do know a baby will be a priority when I come home. I’ll be on my way to 33 after all.
Photograph: Walk in the park (Valencia, Spain) ©Joelle Pittman